I can’t believe it, Kennedy and I have made it to 23 weeks and a few days. I thought time was going by fast before, but it’s been going faster than ever now. We’re slowly getting everything ready for her room, but I feel a little behind!
In the last few weeks, Anthony and I (mostly me) have been incredibly emotional when we think about our little one. I’m going to shine a little light on pregnancy hormones for a minute since I’ve brought it up, THEY ARE SO REAL. One minute I can bee feisty and a bit irritated, show me a picture of puppies trying to bark for the first time and I’ll be in a pool of tears. It literally changes at the drop of a hat and I can’t explain it in it’s entirety but puberty’s got nothing on pregnancy hormones.
Since time is going by and September 15th is rapidly approaching, I’ve found myself thinking about being a mom a lot. There’s a lot of worry that floods my thoughts, like how will I handle sleepless nights? What about trying to get ready to go somewhere and it takes 3 times longer than usual and I’m frustrated? Or, when she’s a little bit older, will I discipline her in the right way? There’s about a million other questions that fill in those gaps but I find myself pondering them often. That’s not where most of the emotions come from though.
I’ve never been one to think much about what kind of woman I would be when I was pregnant or what kind of mother I would be. I always pictured myself having kids, but I never put much thought into what kind of mom I would be to those kids. I’ve been digging all kinds of deep trying to figure out what is important to me or what sort of things my parents did that I want to try and implement into my parenting style. When I put myself in those moments, that’s when I get the most emotional. Instant water works because I still can’t wrap my brain fully around the fact that I’m going to be a mom. That’s the part that gets me the most. I know through many people in my family that being able to have a child of your own, is a blessing. The one reason I get the most emotional is because Anthony and I have been chosen to have this little angel, and essentially we had no issues trying to get pregnant, praise God.
The other thing that gets me SO emotional, is my husband. When he and I met at 19 and 20, we REALLY liked each other pretty quickly. Once we had been together for about a year, we started talking about future hopes and dreams. Anthony told me at that time one of his biggest life dreams was to be a Dad. Yes, I swooned then and I still do now thinking about it. When we got married in 2013, we would of had a baby right away if we could. We knew that it wasn’t our time, we had just tied the knot and we had some personal things we needed to work through. I remember when we decided to finally try. It was August of 2015 and our friends, Josh and Janine were just a couple months away from having their son. At that point, the thought of babies, parenting, nesting, ALL OF IT, was the most exciting thing to us. We said, “It’s time!”
Over the last few months, when I look at my husband and his excitement for our daughter, I just melt. Everyday since the beginning of the pregnancy, Anthony talks to my belly. His favorite thing to say to her is, “What are you doing in there little baby?” He’ll lay down and have daily conversations next to her and just in the last few days he’s been able to feel her kick consistently. His whole demeanor has changed and he’s taking this whole parenting and adult thing in stride. He’s helping me so much when I start to fear being a mom because he truly, truly is living out his dream and it’s making me follow him. He’s always been a leader, but I’ve never felt closer to this man and his love for our family.
We may be first time parents but I feel so confident in where we are headed. Anthony is one lucky dad too, his schedule is going to allow him to have TONS of daddy-daughter time, and I’ve never seen him happier. This momma is a bit jealous, but there’s nothing more I’d want for our little lady than plenty of time with both her mom and dad.
The next time I update you guys, I will have more to share regarding how I’m dealing with pregnancy (there are good days and bad!) and what we’re up to in Kennedy’s nursery. Decorating starts this weekend!