Becoming a Mom at 25

It’s funny, at 25 (since having Kennedy I have turned 26) I think that I’m a young mother. I’m sure there’s a lot of you nodding in agreement while reading this and on the flip side I have friends my age that have children that are in elementary school already, so I fit somewhere in the young spectrum no matter how you look at it.

I’ve heard all of the following remarks: “Why now?” “Don’t you know what that will do to your life?” “You aren’t done growing up, why have babies?” “Don’t do it!” “Kids change everything.”

I don’t disagree with one of these remarks…kids do change everything. I know most women my age couldn’t even dream of doing the things I’m doing now. Waking up at weird and all hours of the night to a crying little one. While it wears on you, comforting that cute little one that belongs to you is so rewarding, whether it’s 12 PM or 2 AM.

There have been plenty of times I’ve just wanted to “run to the store really quick” and those days are over. Instead I’ve got a sidekick to take with me on all of my shopping excursions. My sidekick comes with a lot of extra cargo too which makes it that much more challenging, but you know I’ve taken multi-tasking to a whole new level. I can comfort a crying baby while putting on a baby carrier and grocery shop while we work on nap time.

I think the hardest thing for me since I’ve become a mother is feeling like I can’t relate to the people I once had everything in common with. Over the last several years I’ve done a lot of things that make me less of a conventional millennial. I finished college at 21. I got married at 22. We bought at house at 24. I got pregnant and had a baby at 25.

Those first few weeks postpartum I felt very isolated. I wanted so badly to call my best girlfriends and cry but stopped myself because, who was I going to call? None of them have babies! Instead I would call my mom (seriously, moms are the best) and cry while she assured me I wasn’t the first mom to feel this way. It was still so hard.

I was upset because I felt like nobody wanted to come visit me and being on maternity leave alone, was just that, lonely. I was trying to adjust to being a mother and how all encompassing it was to take care of a newborn and all I wanted was some normalcy but I didn’t feel like I could find that from my friends or peers my age.

After I had my pity party for a few weeks of feeling isolated, I decided enough was enough. I couldn’t keep being upset with people that had no idea I was upset with them. It sounds super crazy as I type it out, but it’s true, I was mad at people and they had no clue that I was. I didn’t want to be that person. I decided I needed to have a reality check with myself.

I reminded myself that this, motherhood at 25, was what I wanted, deeply and truly, what I wanted. Just because that’s what I wanted at my age, doesn’t mean that everyone around me wanted or wants the same thing. That realization alone helped me more than anything because I reminded myself that it’s important for me to embrace all the different people and personalities I have in my life, which I think I’ve done a good job of ever since.

I also decided those feelings I had of being upset with people around me that weren’t constantly “checking” on me, needed to go. Expectations are never a good thing, especially when it comes to friendship and I felt horrible even admitting that I had any expectations!

Lastly, I took all the feelings that I had and told myself to remember them. There was going to come a time that my friends would be ready to have families and become mommies and that in that time in their life I want to be an open book. I want to be someone they can talk to if they need an ear to listen. If they ask for advice, I want to be able to give it but also remember that overloading them with advice is not my place, especially if it isn’t asked.

I’m taking this place that I’m in, of becoming a mom at 25 and absolutely loving it. I’m learning so much about myself and even more from this little girl that’s absolutely changed my life in the almost 6 months that she’s been born. Somedays are so easy and fun and others are a challenge but they’re forming me and shaping me in more ways that I could of dreamed. Instead of feeling confined and like I’m trapped, I can feel myself blossoming. Coming up with ideas and daydreams of what the future holds and how I will contribute to our family in several different ways. Being a young mom is fun and having a young family is incredible.

One thing I keep reminding myself is every person’s walk is different, and mine is going to be different than the person next to me and my journey is no different but I shouldn’t spend my time comparing my story to those around me. Instead, I’ll take my story and experience and use it to help others.

 

Next time I write I plan to talk a little bit more about my career and my struggles with being a working mama. Thanks for reading!

 

Your way is the right way

 

Moms. There’s literally a million different kinds of them, but we all want the same thing for our little humans, the best possible everything that life has to offer. You realize it more once you’re staring at your own little one in the face and watching their eyes explore your face that there is literally nothing more in the entire universe that you want, other than to give them everything that you can.

What is giving them the best possible life they could imagine? That answer is different for everybody. I think that’s something that a lot of us could use regular reminding of. No two parents or households are going to operate the same. What works for Kennedy and I won’t work for my best friend and her newborn. Can we talk about what works for us and what doesn’t? Of course! What we shouldn’t do is mommy-shame or bash based on their decisions and choices. There is a small exception to this rule of course like many other things in life but in general, I like to follow the rule of thumb that you just don’t tell someone else how to Mommy.

I say this after I experienced someone telling me that I was harming my daughter by baby wearing her. I did what I often do, packed myself and Kennedy up in the car to head to the grocery store to get food to eat for the week. Saw the same clerks/workers that I often do and some of them recognize me because I go the same day every week and they’re usually working. I’ve always had positive remarks when I’ve worn her in a baby carrier or just some weird looks because, hey, I get it, baby wearing isn’t for everyone. I was at the checkout and bagging my groceries when the woman across from me said something along the lines of, “Look at her, you’re squishing her and she’s all bunched up in there, aww, poor baby.” Cue the steam coming out of my ears and my heart and blood pumping a MILLION miles per hour, yet I could barely let more than a few words escape my mouth. I’m pretty sure I said something along the lines of, “Oh, she’s fine, notice that she’s sleeping peacefully and this is nice and soft.” I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I was embarrassed. ME. I couldn’t believe someone would make sure a comment.

After being incredibly pissed off the entire drive home and then once I arrived in my kitchen to tell my husband what I happened, I had some time to think to myself about her comments. Was I irritated? Yes. But, I had to step away from the situation and ask myself, why would she make that comment? Maybe she doesn’t know anything or much about baby wearing, maybe she isn’t comfortable doing it because she never was taught how to do it, who knows? But I was allowing her viewpoint on parenting and how to do things get to me. There are millions of women that have to deal with people negatively projecting their opinions on their parenting style and it’s not fair.

I know I’m not perfect and there’s been several times where I’ve seen someone do something with their child that I didn’t agree with or that I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing with Kennedy, but who am I to tell them I think what they’re doing is wrong when it’s just a different way to do it? After dealing with my interaction in the grocery store I decided it isn’t my place to pass judgement on another mom.

I’ve said it once before and I’ll say it again, being a mom is freakin’ hard. But it’s also unbelievable and quite frankly the best job I’ve ever had in the entire world. It should be a joy for all the mommies, not something that they have to second guess because someone might greet them with criticism for their way of getting it done. My hope, as more and more of my girlfriends and their partners start having babies, is that we can empower one another and learn from each other. I have been loving talking pregnancy, babies, and motherhood so much and I’ve found that to be greatly in part to my fellow September Mamas that I’ve been friends with for about a year now (thank God for the internet). 36 different women, all of us with different ways of doing things, but we’ve NEVER bashed each other for how we parent our babies. I couldn’t be more grateful! I’ve learned so much from them and now as more and more of my friends that I see in person regularly become moms, I hope I can take what I’ve learned through these ladies, and share it with more of my friends.

We must stick together mamas! With that being said, I hope to post a fun post next about Kennedy and her newest happenings. Give me a couple weeks and I’ll do a big 6 month update (excuse me while I go cry, how is she 6 months already?)

Love to all! xoxo

My first Mommy lesson

There’s a lot about being a mom that I anticipated, and things I never would of imagined. What I’ve found is there are a lot of things that are typical, but ultimately what it comes down to, each little baby is different and you just kind of learn how they operate as you go. Also, there’s going to be a lot of “Mommy lessons” and I define these as things that you thought you’d do one way or can only be done one way, but find there is an alternative that works better for your baby and/or you and your family. Yes…this is my own phrase and definition but just keep that in mind while reading.

Am I an expert on childrearing? Noooo. But in 7 weeks and some odd days, I can tell you I know my baby pretty darn well already. Her different cries. What position she’ll sleep the best in, roughly what time she’s going to be hungry, so on and so forth.

I know what really made a difference super early on with Kennedy. I wanted to try to breastfeed and I said while pregnant, we will try it and if it works, then great, and if it doesn’t then there are alternatives, our little one will not go hungry.

Well, being an expectant mother I was reading a lot online trying to prepare myself (HA! Here’s my first little nugget of knowledge, you can read for hours and hours about a topic and your child can throw you a curveball). You read everywhere nurse as soon as possible in the hospital, feed them every 2-3 hours, don’t give them a pacifier, don’t use bottles right away, so on and so forth. First curveball…my child has a gnarly tongue tie AND a cheek tie. Two for the price of one. So without you Googling what either one of those are if you don’t know, it’s a teeny tiny piece of skin under her tongue that attaches her tongue to her lower jaw, therefore making sticking out her tongue difficult, causing issues when she tries to latch. The doctors said get it cut, but it may not fix the problem, but it might! But they didn’t do it at the hospital so it would be a week or so before I could even get it done, so that didn’t help me then. Thank goodness for a number of very patient nurses that helped me while in the hospital. I thought we figured it out despite our little set back.

We left the hospital on a Sunday afternoon and our first doctor’s appointment was scheduled for Tuesday. We wanted to see our little lady start to gain weight at this appointment and when they weighed her, she maintained her weight from when she left the hospital. Not terrible but we needed to move in the positive direction, not a standstill. The doctor mentioned supplementing with formula (OH MY THE FORBIDDEN F WORD). I had such a negative view of formula because right now, breastfeeding is all the rage. As it is to be expected, it’s the natural way and it’s created to fit the baby’s exact needs. I had forgotten the whole trying to breastfeed notion and that I ever said I’d do formula if I had to. I did what the doctor said, I tried to feed her more. My little baby was so grumpy! When she’d wake up she would be almost inconsolable and at the time I couldn’t tell that anything was wrong. I just thought this was how she was.

Back we went to the doctor on Friday…she lost 4 ounces. Cue the tears. I was ready to take the worst mother of the year award and I felt like such a failure. My poor husband didn’t know what to do, but I wouldn’t stop crying. It was obvious Kennedy and I weren’t working well in the breastfeeding department. The doctor’s advice was well keep feeding her every 2-3 hours and after you feed, pump and make sure you make an appointment with a lactation consultant. I went home and was on the computer forever researching how to make this work. I did what the doctor said and I still had my little grumpy baby.

I remember that night, she started to cry at 1 AM and I was ready to start crying with her. Anthony said in a half asleep voice, “Erin, give her the formula!” I caved. I grabbed one of the several sample containers we received and chose to use the supplementing formula. This little lady sucked that 2 oz bottle down like it was nothing and proceeded to pass out in my arms all in 2 minutes time. I was stunned. She fell asleep so easily and stayed asleep for so long!

The next morning we decided that I would pump and supplement with formula. Kennedy’s whole demeanor changed and she turned into this sweet loving little baby that was so happy all of the time. I still tried to pump, but my supply wasn’t there. I’m guessing due to the stress and the lack of her demand due to poor latch, it just never came in like it was supposed to. But that’s okay! At the end of the day, you know what’s best? Fed. A fed baby and a happy mommy. This is a joint effort and she can feel my energy and I can feel hers. When feeding time came around and both of us were in distress, it wasn’t going to be good news for either one of us. Through this I’ve still bonded with my little girl. She knows mama is going to feed her and I can tell when she’s hungry. Daddy also get to join in the feeding process which honestly was one part of breastfeeding I wasn’t looking forward too. I felt like I was robbing him of his time too!

Ultimately, so far in this nearly 8 week journey, I know that making sure my baby is happy, is my number one priority. You can read the books, articles and meet with other mommies but ultimately you take bits and pieces from all of those resources and you figure out what makes your family function. I call this Mommy lesson number one and the center for our little family of three.

One thing I will promise to do/be as I continue figuring all of this out is to be open minded and help others who may need encouragement. Being a mom is not easy, and having support is so important. So I support happy babies, happy mommies,  and happy families, whatever it takes to have all of those, you do you <3.

August Baby Pt. 2: Words from The Father

What’s up everybody!! As you can tell by the title this is Erin’s husband/Kennedy’s father! Many of you who read this amazing blog already know me but for those of you who don’t I have a name. And that name is (dramatic pause) Anthony. So anti-climactic I know. Feel free to roll your eyes at this point I am a wee bit, a tad if you will, eccentric. But enough about me and more about Kennedy and how she came to be… Through my frames. 

Dear sweet Kennedy was born on Friday August 26th at 8:35 am. She was 7lbs 12 oz, which is freaking huge when you consider she was 3 WEEKS EARLY 😲you might be thinking to yourself, “how nice that she was born on a Friday morning, Erin must’ve gone into labor late Thursday or early Friday.” To quote Lee Corso, “Not so fast my friend!” Had it unfolded that way it would’ve been perfect because of my work schedule. I won’t get into detail about what I do (if you really want to know just ask me playa) but I work over nights on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Again, baby was born Friday… Erin went into labor on Wednesday night 😫 I was at work 😫😫 There I was working away, side bar my route takes me out to Santa Barbara, so I’m only 200 miles from Temecula a quick saunter for a commercial jet 🙃 Anyway, there I was working away when right around 10:30 pm I get a phone call. “Hi wife, I say cheerfully, you going to bed?!” Not even thinking that it’s not the norm for her to call me in the middle of my shift at that hour. She said, in a nutshell “Husbie, my brother is on his way here, I think my water may have broke, I’m going to see what he thinks I should do. I’m not having contractions yet, but I don’t want to take any chances.” “Woah” I said. “This is exciting love, but just relax, you’re not having contractions yet so I have time to finish up, I’m already halfway done, unless you want me to come home now? How about this, call me when you know something from the hospital and we will decide from there.” We said our I love yous and that was that!! HOLY CRAP IM GONNA BE A DADDY. It may come as a surprise but all I have ever wanted is to be a good husband and a good father. I don’t know where it came from but it’s been my dream for as far back as I can remember. Sure I had hoop dreams but I always thought “I don’t care what I do, I just want to be a husband and a father!” The other half of that dream was finally coming true. 

I got another call from Erin around 11:30, again Wednesday night. She would be admitted and would not be going home. Still no contractions. We decided it would be okay for me to finish up and make the journey home from Santa Barbara. For reference I don’t normally get back to Temecula until around 6-7am… I got back to my depot at 4am… I was at Erin’s bedside at 4:07 🏃🏻💨💨 I wasn’t nervous, I was eager, eager to be a dad, eager to see my wife and eager to assist her in whatever way I could. 

It really sucks as a husband seeing your wife in pain and there is basically nothing you can do. I rubbed her feet, stroked her forehead and just sat near her, helpless. Thursday goes by. After hours of pitocin, some insert thing and some other medicine, nothing, no contractions, no dilation. KENNEDY WHAT ARE YOU DOING Please come out so daddy can finally hold you! Friday morning, we lookin n feeling a hot mess, especially my poor wife who had not eaten since Thursday morning and could not get out of bed for anything. Not to shower not to potty nada 😠 HELP HER!!! I kept my cool for her but I wanted to shake every nurse and Doctor I saw because it killed me to see her so miserable. Right around 7:45-8 am Friday morning Dr. Jones                         ( DoctaJones, read like the Asian boy from Indiana Jones) walks in and says “nothing’s working, how bout a c-section?” Before she and my in-laws left the room I already made up my mind, YES!!! The wife agreed, c section it is. she did all she could and we didn’t  want to push (or not push 😏) it anymore because if she got an infection, baby and I would be transported elsewhere and Erin would be leftbehind… Bump that doc, we want the cesarean! 

This is about the time I ascended into Dad mode. I was stoic, the wife needed me to be. I was ushered into the OR, about 15 minutes after her. She was nekket and numb. She puked, I normally have a weak stomach, not today! I grabbed a towel and was catching it. Baby is out, I’m weeping. I cut the cord and put her first diaper on. Erin was bed ridden for the next 24 hours. I got poop on my hand twice, didn’t even flinch! I was, and still am, dadding so hard! Kennedy has changed me!!

Since then we have laughed, cried, had moments of frustration and been so full of love and joy over our lil Kenny Bean. She is perfect, my wife it the toughest human on the planet and I get to be part of their lives. “Why am I so lucky?” I ask myself that everyday. I love my girls, and because of them I am complete. ❤️

August, Baby!

What a week! Most of you reading this already know the news, our baby has arrived! Kennedy Elizabeth was born exactly 3 weeks early on August 26th at 8:35 A.M. and she made us work for her arrival!

I had an interesting pregnancy to say the very least. It was uneventful other than the usual stuff such as heartburn, achy feet, swollen fingers and feet. That started to change at the end of June. I could tell something was off, that my body was working way harder than i thought it should be just to be pregnant. That’s when my doctor’s visits started to become more eventful. My blood pressure started to rise every week until finally at one of my visits my doctor said, “That’s enough of this, you need to go to the hospital to be monitored and you’re done working and on bed rest.” Uh…okay?! This was at 35 weeks, 5 weeks until my due date and I was freaking out! Off to the hospital I went and everything checked out normal. My doctor’s visits went from once every two weeks, to once a week, to twice a week…Anthony said one day as we walked in, “I feel like we freakin live here.” Yes…that’s exactly what it felt like!

I went to my appointment on Monday August 22nd and again, everything checked out fine. That whole bed rest thing was doing it’s job I suppose. Jump forward 2 days to Wednesday, and Anthony made a comment about me not looking well or not 100% myself. I just felt tired but that was about it. I had a friend over to hang out for a bit that evening and that’s it! At about 9:45 I was getting tired so I went to start rounding things up to go to bed when it happened. My water broke. It wasn’t a huge gush like everyone makes it sound like, more like 6 small ones that happened over the course of an hour. Of course Anthony was working this particular night after we jokingly said I wouldn’t go into labor on a night he worked. HA! Silly us…that kiddo of ours probably heard us say that and decided to throw us a curveball.

So who else does one call when they need something…if you know me you know this answer already. KEVIN! Luckily my brother was down the street at a restaurant so he was able to get to me quickly.

I had nothing ready. I thought I had at least 3 more weeks till she arrived so no hospital bag was packed, didn’t pre-register at the hospital, car seat bases weren’t installed, nothing. Oh well, not much I can do about it now!

We got to the hospital shortly before 11 P.M. and I got sent to labor and delivery triage. I knew I wasn’t going to be going home if my water broke so I was curious how things were going to go because on top of it, I didn’t have any contractions. Sure enough, water was confirmed broken and I was off to my little (it was actually HUGE) delivery room. Anthony knew where I was and luckily he was flying through his route so he wasn’t going to miss anything. My mom arrived shortly after I got into my room and my brother took off because he needed to sleep.

They started the pitocin and I thought sweet, I’ll have a baby by tomorrow! Insert another HA! The pitocin lasted all night, roughly 7 hours and it did nothing. I was onto the next induction method, cervidal. I won’t explain how that works, if you’re so inclined you can google it but don’t blame me for what you may read. Just sayin’. The whole point of that medication was to start pitocin again and that labor would begin. Another 7 hours of that…no change. I was onto the last induction method. At this point this was my 3rd nurse of my hospital stay and I looked at her and asked before she got me the medicine, how much longer before we just do a c-section? She said the doctor wanted to try this medicine for at least 2 doses to see if it would work. I mentally was tired, physically was drained and I just laid there and thought to myself, just figure it out already.

I slept from 4 to about 6 that morning and I just wanted to shower. I had barely been allowed to leave my hospital bed and I needed to move around. My parents were both there and Anthony was too, it was shortly before 7 when my doctor and nurse walked in. I knew what was coming. My doctor said, “These medicines aren’t working, your water has been broken for 33 hours, 3 more hours and you’re at risk for an infection, if your baby has an infection, she will be transported and the two of you won’t be able to recover together, do you want to have a c-section…in 35 minutes?” 35 freaking minutes! AH! I looked at my mom and she knew I was in pain. Everyone left the room so Anthony and I could have a minute and I just looked at him and said I don’t think I could physically labor at this point anyway and I don’t want to risk her being in one place and me in another. Decision made, c-section it was.

I was shaking like a leaf because I’ve never had a major surgery, and this was a HUGE deal to me. I remember getting the pain meds and I went numb from the waist down which of course is terrifying! Anthony appeared next to me and I almost started to freak out, I was so, so nervous. They started the surgery and the next thing I know they dropped the top half of the drape to a clear drape so I could see them pull her out of my stomach and the doctor’s first words were, “Oh my gosh look at all of her hair!” This cute screaming little thing with a full head of brown hair was hoisted into the air and Anthony and I just lost it. This was one of the toughest parts for me, laying there while they stitched me back up and Anthony went to go take care of our daughter. He shouted her vitals to me and I could hear him talking to her. I was so anxious to have them bring her to me. Next thing I know I have a nurse placing a baby on my chest and she was so perfect. We stared at each other and she started sucking her thumb while she looked at me. I had 2 full hours of her just laying on me before Anthony took her. Our nurse was incredible and took so many photos of everything for us, it’s like I didn’t miss seeing anything.

I obviously wasn’t planning to have a c-section but in all honesty, in this situation I’m so glad that I did. The recovery was a bit much, like not getting out of bed for 24 hours, but I feel pretty good almost a week later!

Of course I wouldn’t post this without including pictures of this little one!

I want to give major kudos to my husband. He was absolutely incredible during this whole process. He so naturally starting “dadding” as soon as our Kennedy arrived and he had to do everything the first 24 hours with her since I wasn’t allowed to get out of bed. Thanks for being so amazing husband!

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Our first family photo 🙂
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I was so relieved to have her with me and Anthony was so great and keeping me calm.
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Our second family photo!
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She spent a lot of time with mama the first couple of days.
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One of my absolute favorite photos from that day!
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This is my absolute favorite from delivery day. Anthony is a natural at being a dad.
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Going home outfit!

32 Weeks…8 Months…2 Months Left!

We’ve hit another milestone this week. Officially 32 weeks today a.k.a. 8 months pregnant. I honestly, looking back, felt like I was on an unending journey and that these final weeks/months were going to take an eternity to get to. In some ways, it did feel like forever, and in others I feel like I just was at the doctor’s office for the first time. Getting to now has been insane and so many things I didn’t expect to feel or experience.

On one hand, I feel like a champion because I’m growing this little human in my stomach, who is getting so big and so strong with her punches and kicks, and on the other hand I feel defeated and weak because I’ve never had to limit myself physically to the levels that I had.

Last weekend is when it got super real with just how much I needed to slow down. I had a doctor’s appointment on Friday afternoon and I when they took my blood pressure it came back high. It runs in my family, but I know right now is not the best time to have high blood pressure. My doctor told me, no vigorous activities, and I need to take it easy. Like, he said I couldn’t even walk around much outside because it could be risky. My dear husband was present at this appointment and he sprung into husband mode. He is a big believer in juicing, so he told me we’re going to have turmeric and ginger shots from then  on out. I admit I was skeptical, but it’s worked for him so I was on board.

The next two days I just felt defeated. I really lost it on Sunday afternoon when going to church and out to lunch was exhausting and I needed to rest before I could even go to the grocery store. Before we were going to leave I started to cry because every little thing had become difficult for me. Putting clothes on, standing for too long, bending over, trying to reach things on a shelf, even washing the dishes…I’ve already got short arms so having a belly that doesn’t let me get all the way to what I need to reach makes it even harder. I started weeping and I told Anthony that I felt horrible because I feel like I have to be iron woman and tell everyone how “wonderful and fabulous” I feel while being pregnant.

The truth is I don’t feel wonderful and I feel far from fabulous. If you were my parents you would of gotten a much more real/raw response to this topic…I’m keeping it PG here 🙂 Have there been things I’ve enjoyed about being pregnant? 100% absolutely yes. I live for the routine times that I know she’s awake & kicking me, when Anthony gets to feel her move, having my little girlfriend along with me everywhere I go, someone to talk to that just listens and knowing that she’s half of me and half of Anthony. What’s been difficult? Waking up in the morning and trying to get out of bed only to have pelvic pain, my maternity clothes being small already, being kicked so hard in the bladder, stretch marks (literally everywhere), sore legs, sore feet, and just not feeling like myself because I’m sharing a space that I was used to just being mine with someone else…which brings me back to the wonderful part. I’m sharing myself with this little lady in a way I can’t share with anybody else. Cue my tears, I am thankful and I am elated that I am going to be a mom soon and I promise I won’t take it for granted.

I’m looking forward to the next 4 weeks before I begin my maternity leave and I can really prepare for her arrival. I’m nervous because, hello, I’m going to be responsible for a new little life. Overjoyed because I’ve always wanted this and so has Anthony. So while this has been challenging, I know the challenge is just beginning here.

I will also add…I had to visit my doctor again yesterday and good news to report. Blood pressure is back to normal (Thank you Husband) and Kennedy had a growth spurt from one week ago…2 CM belly growth for me! She’s growing and she’s strong. Just gotta stay put a few more weeks little lady! Here’s a bumpdate photo for you:

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Becoming Parents

I can’t believe it, Kennedy and I have made it to 23 weeks and a few days. I thought time was going by fast before, but it’s been going faster than ever now. We’re slowly getting everything ready for her room, but I feel a little behind!

In the last few weeks, Anthony and I (mostly me) have been incredibly emotional when we think about our little one. I’m going to shine a little light on pregnancy hormones for a minute since I’ve brought it up, THEY ARE SO REAL. One minute I can bee feisty and a bit irritated, show me a picture of puppies trying to bark for the first time and I’ll be in a pool of tears. It literally changes at the drop of a hat and I can’t explain it in it’s entirety but puberty’s got nothing on pregnancy hormones.

Since time is going by and September 15th is rapidly approaching, I’ve found myself thinking about being a mom a lot. There’s a lot of worry that floods my thoughts, like how will I handle sleepless nights? What about trying to get ready to go somewhere and it takes 3 times longer than usual and I’m frustrated? Or, when she’s a little bit older, will I discipline her in the right way? There’s about a million other questions that fill in those gaps but I find myself pondering them often. That’s not where most of the emotions come from though.

I’ve never been one to think much about what kind of woman I would be when I was pregnant or what kind of mother I would be. I always pictured myself having kids, but I never put much thought into what kind of mom I would be to those kids. I’ve been digging all kinds of deep trying to figure out what is important to me or what sort of things my parents did that I want to try and implement into my parenting style. When I put myself in those moments, that’s when I get the most emotional. Instant water works because I still can’t wrap my brain fully around the fact that I’m going to be a mom. That’s the part that gets me the most. I know through many people in my family that being able to have a child of your own, is a blessing. The one reason I get the most emotional is because Anthony and I have been chosen to have this little angel, and essentially we had no issues trying to get pregnant, praise God.

The other thing that gets me SO emotional, is my husband. When he and I met at 19 and 20, we REALLY liked each other pretty quickly. Once we had been together for about a year, we started talking about future hopes and dreams. Anthony told me at that time one of his biggest life dreams was to be a Dad. Yes, I swooned then and I still do now thinking about it. When we got married in 2013, we would of had a baby right away if we could. We knew that it wasn’t our time, we had just tied the knot and we had some personal things we needed to work through. I remember when we decided to finally try. It was August of 2015 and our friends, Josh and Janine were just a couple months away from having their son. At that point, the thought of babies, parenting, nesting, ALL OF IT, was the most exciting thing to us. We said, “It’s time!”

Over the last few months, when I look at my husband and his excitement for our daughter, I just melt. Everyday since the beginning of the pregnancy, Anthony talks to my belly. His favorite thing to say to her is, “What are you doing in there little baby?” He’ll lay down and have daily conversations next to her and just in the last few days he’s been able to feel her kick consistently. His whole demeanor has changed and he’s taking this whole parenting and adult thing in stride. He’s helping me so much when I start to fear being a mom because he truly, truly is living out his dream and it’s making me follow him. He’s always been a leader, but I’ve never felt closer to this man and his love for our family.

We may be first time parents but I feel so confident in where we are headed. Anthony is one lucky dad too, his schedule is going to allow him to have TONS of daddy-daughter time, and I’ve never seen him happier. This momma is a bit jealous, but there’s nothing more I’d want for our little lady than plenty of time with both her mom and dad.

The next time I update you guys, I will have more to share regarding how I’m dealing with pregnancy (there are good days and bad!) and what we’re up to in Kennedy’s nursery. Decorating starts this weekend!